Silence, the absence of sound—the art of refraining from speaking encourages others to talk or reflect on what have been said. But here, we are just not concerned about not saying anything but how you can constructively not say something. What do we mean? Constructive silence is knowing when, why and how you should be silent.
Constructive silence takes a discussion to the next level. Speech is silver, silence is gold, constructive silence is diamond. Often times, when we converse with another person, we don’t usually listen to what the other person is saying, in fact while the other person is speaking, we are thinking about what to say in return.
To get the best of your conversation with others, it’s best to Kick-start a program of constructive silence. Silence with a motive, silence at the right way, silence at the right time.
Below are ways you use constructive silence in a conversation.
1. Always keep trust.
Don’t spread to another an information that has been shared with you in confidence, even if you tell the person not to tell anyone. We should be slow to speak but swift to listen. Much of our petty talks are filled with lies and gossips. Even if we mean to say the truth, we are not compelled to utter it. Remember the cliche “If you can’t say anything good, don’t say it”.
2. You are not under any obligation to agree or disagree with a person’s point of view.
This is because, an opinion is an ass. Every one is entitled to one. When someone brings a contradiction to what you are discussing. Be constructive, don’t push further, You can’t be right always. choose to remain constructively silent. You don’t need to win an argument, even if the person disagrees with you. Your willingness not to engage in an argument makes the other person think through of your opinion raised. They may not agree with you verbally but may agree with you in their minds. People who talk out of compulsion struggle to keep relationships. If you listen well enough, you will become popular.
3. Watch your pace and tone when angry
When we are angry, we tend to speak in a rush. It’s best you slow down. This is because we speak impulsively when angry. I mean, we speak more rapidly when we are angry. Tempers and voices are raised. What causes hurt is not in disagreement of opinions but how hasty words were said. Slow down. If your words will be destructive, walk out of the scene not only physically but mentally.
4. When you are unsure about a particular thing, just say nothing with a broad smile.
It conceals ignorance. Fools are deemed to be wise when they keep silent. When you keep your mouth shut, you seem intelligent. When you don’t know something, be silent.
5. Don’t advice or probe, they can figure it out. Just listen through with them.
Let your aura reflect the words been spoken to you. People who are troubled, depressed, lonely or about to make a decision often times need someone to talk to. I know you have wits and wisdom but most times, it is not necessary. What they need from you is a listening ear. Don’t preach, talk, motivate. Just listen. This constructive silence gives them a feeling of safety and enables them confide in you. For like some of us who are coaches, I personally struggle in this aspect. We feel we really know the answers and we are tempted to give advice but what most people need is just a listening ear. Should we not give advice? Far from it! Only give advice when it is asked logically not emotionally.
6. Whenever you disagree with a person, don’t say words like “you are lying” “you are wrong”
Whenever someone hears these statements, they become defensive. Really no one wants to feel dumb. What should you do Instead? Stir at the persons face but don’t say a word. This will force an undue pressure on the other person to justify his statement or reflect back on the words uttered. This puts you in control of the discussion.
The art of being wise is to know when not to say something even at the most tempting times. If you really want to get along with others, Always use constructive silence to make every conversation a dialogue not a speech, debate, argument or a gossip. It’s an art that should be cultivated.
If you find this helpful, you can leave your comment below.